I just finished reading Sheryl Sandberg's best selling book "Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead" I have already heard many of the points that she makes and anecdotes that she tells from her book tour interviews and her well-known 2010 Ted talk. Still, I enjoyed reading it and did agree with her call to get women to lean in and work toward pursuing their ambition.
In the introduction, Sandberg explains why she felt compelled to start a Lean In movement and write the book. As she advanced in her career, she noticed that many of her female peers had dropped out. She shares a story about visiting a private equity firm and needing to use the rest room during a break. When she asked for the location of the ladies room, the male executive didn't know. She asked if she was the first female executive to visit their office. He replied that he thought so or maybe she was just the first one that needed to use the rest room. Sandberg realized that she was one of the few women at the top and wanted to investigate why and what could be done.
In the book, Sandberg makes the case that a lot of the obstacles that women face in pursuing their ambition are internalized. Girls are told not to be bossy when instead they should be told that they are showing "leadership skills." The truth is that women in positions of power are not well liked. Women also lack confidence to promote themselves. She noticed at meetings that women were reluctant to literally sit at the table. Instead, they would sit at the chairs against the wall away from the table when they had every right to sit at the table and take charge.
How do women work to overcome these obstacles? Here are Sandberg's suggestions:
Seek and Speak the Truth
Sandberg urges women to speak up and truthfully say what they think, solicit constructive feedback, and ask for what they want in the workplace.
Don't Leave Before You Leave
In this chapter, Sandberg tells the story of a young woman at Facebook who wanted advice on how to balance work and family. As the woman urgently fired questions at her, Sandberg asked about her situation. It turned out that this young woman didn't have a boyfriend. She was jumping the gun a bit about planning for her family that didn't exist yet. Sandberg's point is don't stop yourself from pursuing what you want in life for what may happen many years down the road. You can always figure out how to balance work and family when you are at that point in your life.
Make Your Partner a Real Partner
Sandberg points out that women will have a better work life balance if they let their partner share in the responsibilities at home. Reading this chapter, I felt very lucky to have a partner that helps out at home as much as he does. I mentioned this in last year's Father's Day blog post. Sandberg says that what keeps women from having a real equal partner is that women are often gatekeepers. I am guilty of this. Recently, I came downstairs to Craig folding the laundry. I said, "Oh, I was looking forward to doing that." Yes, I actually said that. Crazy, I know. Yes, it's weird, I enjoy folding laundry. Instead of thanking him for taking care of something for me, I scolded him. I should remember that the next time I get annoyed if he doesn't notice that something needs to be done and I have to do it. Ideally, marriage should be a partnership where you work together as a team to accomplish your shared goals. This is still a work in progress for us.
The Myth of Doing It All
I probably got the most from this chapter. Sandberg's quote that "done is better than perfect" really hit home with me. Striving to do everything perfectly is impossible. Working in software, I know that if we waited until the software was absolutely perfect, we would never release anything. It has to work as well or better than the customers expect and then be improved upon with each release. That's true for many things in life. Do the best you can with what you have and feel good about what you've accomplished.
Let's Start Talking About It and Working Together Toward Equality
Right after Alex was born, I was reading a message board for new moms and noticed that any posts about working moms and work at home moms most always turned into a divisive, ugly debate. With the anonymity of the Internet, a woman would post that she wanted to stay home because "she didn't want strangers raising her kids." Then, on the other side, a woman would post that work at home moms didn't do any work. Reading these exchanges were entertaining, but I often thought, wow, why don't we all work together to make things better for everyone? That is what Sandberg is urging in the last couple of chapters of her book. I think the defensiveness comes about because women feel very sensitive and some guilt about their work/family decisions. If we could all just start talking about and asking for what we want and then work together for that, it would make life better for everyone. Personally, I feel very fortunate for the work/life balance that I am lucky enough to enjoy. I have a job I love, an employer that offers flexibility that I truly appreciate, and a wonderful husband and son that make it all worthwhile. We should all work to allow women to pursue whatever their ambition is. We all benefit when women are encouraged to succeed.
For more information on the Lean In movement, visit leanin.org.
The Myth of Doing It All
I probably got the most from this chapter. Sandberg's quote that "done is better than perfect" really hit home with me. Striving to do everything perfectly is impossible. Working in software, I know that if we waited until the software was absolutely perfect, we would never release anything. It has to work as well or better than the customers expect and then be improved upon with each release. That's true for many things in life. Do the best you can with what you have and feel good about what you've accomplished.
Let's Start Talking About It and Working Together Toward Equality
Right after Alex was born, I was reading a message board for new moms and noticed that any posts about working moms and work at home moms most always turned into a divisive, ugly debate. With the anonymity of the Internet, a woman would post that she wanted to stay home because "she didn't want strangers raising her kids." Then, on the other side, a woman would post that work at home moms didn't do any work. Reading these exchanges were entertaining, but I often thought, wow, why don't we all work together to make things better for everyone? That is what Sandberg is urging in the last couple of chapters of her book. I think the defensiveness comes about because women feel very sensitive and some guilt about their work/family decisions. If we could all just start talking about and asking for what we want and then work together for that, it would make life better for everyone. Personally, I feel very fortunate for the work/life balance that I am lucky enough to enjoy. I have a job I love, an employer that offers flexibility that I truly appreciate, and a wonderful husband and son that make it all worthwhile. We should all work to allow women to pursue whatever their ambition is. We all benefit when women are encouraged to succeed.
For more information on the Lean In movement, visit leanin.org.
